The Apology

“The Apology” is the ninth episode of the ninth and final season of Seinfeld, and the 165th episode overall. This episode first aired on December 11, 1997. It was written by Jennifer Crittenden and was directed by Andy Ackerman.

Plot[]

Jerry is dating Melissa (Kathleen McClellan), a woman who is comfortable being naked in his apartment in nonsexual contexts. She walks naked into the kitchen to eat waffles and is also naked while playing board games. While George is envious, Jerry soon grows uncomfortable with Melissa's quirk. He finds her unattractive when she does anything naked that involves her muscles contracting. Jerry plans to make Melissa understand his revulsion by using a belt sander while naked, but Melissa objects to his nudity before he even turns on the sander. Elaine argues that the female body is art while the male body is just utility. Jerry convinces Melissa to wear clothes more often, but he cannot stop thinking about how good she looks naked, and Melissa cannot stop thinking of how bad Jerry looks naked, and the relationship is ruined.

George learns that Jason Hanke (James Spader), a childhood friend of his nicknamed "Stanky Hanke", is a recovering alcoholic and, as Step 9 of the Alcoholics Anonymous's Twelve Steps, is apologizing for all his old misdeeds. George gets angry when Jason moves on to Step 10 without apologizing for having insulted him at a party a few years earlier by refusing to give George a sweater for fear the neck would be stretched out. When George broaches the subject, Jason refuses to apologize, saying that his concern about his sweater was sincere. This enrages George so much that he is brought by one of Jason's sponsors to an anger management class.

After Jerry informs Kramer that his hour-long showers are not normal, Kramer attempts to reduce his time showering. He cuts it down to a half-hour, but only by not rinsing off the lather or drying off. Jerry gives him some pointers on more efficient showering, but refuses his request for a personal demonstration, and when Kramer tries observing in a public shower he is mistaken for a voyeur and ejected. Frustrated at these failures, he decides he enjoys showers so much that he is going to spend most of his time in his shower, even going as far as to buy a waterproof phone, prepare a dinner there and install a garbage disposal in his bathtub drain.

Elaine notices her co-worker Peggy (Megan Cole) puts sanitary paper on a toilet only used by the two of them, yet she is clearly not a germophobe because she finishes off another co-worker's half-drunk water bottle. When Elaine confronts her about this, she says Elaine disgusts her because of her sexual promiscuity. Insulted, Elaine rubs Peggy's stapler against her armpit and the keyboard on her rear, and coughs on her doorknob.

Peggy calls in sick the next day, but Elaine insists her illness must be psychosomatic. David Puddy agrees, and accompanies Elaine to Peggy's to convince her to come back to work. He reveals to Peggy that he is a recovering germophobe and persuades her that she is one too. Later, Elaine makes up with Peggy by inviting her over for a dinner cooked by Kramer, but when Kramer reveals that he prepared the dinner in the shower, they are all horrified and Puddy has to go back to Germophobes Anonymous, with Peggy and Elaine now joining him.

Notes About Nothing[]

Actors Jason Alexander and James Spader had previously appeared together in the movie White Palace.
Elaine gets her curly hairstyle back in this episode.
The guy who plays the owner of the anger management class is the same actor who played the security guard in the third season’s "The Parking Garage."

Season Nine Episodes