"The Calzone" is the 130th episode of the NBC sitcom Seinfeld. This was the 20th episode of the seventh season. It aired on April 25, 1996. It was written by Alec Berg and Jeff Schaffer and was directed by Andy Ackerman.
George becomes Steinbrenner's pet, when he shares an eggplant calzone with him. Steinbrenner then has George bring him a calzone for lunch everyday. One day, when George throws his money into the tip jar unnoticed, he attempts to grab it to place it back when someone was looking. Just as he is grabbing the money the guy turns, and under the impression that George is stealing money from the jar, refuses to sell him any more calzones. George then recommends to Steinbrenner that they try something new for lunch the next day. Steinbrenner insists that they continue to keep their routine. George makes a deal to obtain the calzones for his boss when Newman brings them to him, as he is coming through on his mail route. Kramer is raving about wearing clothes "straight out of the dryer." Elaine's boyfriend, Todd Gack (John D'Aquino) is dating her without really ever asking her out.
Jerry takes advantage of his beautiful girlfriend Nicki's (Danette Tays) ability to get anything she wants, including convincing a cop to not give Jerry a speeding ticket. Todd Gack sells Jerry some Cuban cigars, but they really turn out to be from Peru. Kramer starts using an oven for his clothing. When Newman decides not to go to work because it is raining, George asks Kramer to get him the calzone to stay in Steinbrenner's good graces. Kramer puts his clothes in the pizza oven at Paisano's, and they get burned. He tries to pay Vittorio, the Calzone cook with pennies and a fight ensues with the seller kicking Kramer out of the restaurant. Kramer goes to George's office and drops his burnt clothes by a vent. The Calzone smell wafts into Steinbrenner's office, and he runs to George's office, thinking he has calzones. George tries to fool Steinbrenner by going to another calzone restaurant. As he comes back, he finds Steinbrenner digging through his office, realizes the smell is from the clothes, and gets the idea to put the New York Yankees' clothes in a pizza oven.
Jerry and Elaine lose Nicki and Todd to one another, when Nicki sees Todd about the cigars but he winds up wheedling another "non-date date" dinner with her. Jerry and Elaine are smoking the Peruvian cigars, which "smell like a rubber fire"; when Elaine asks Jerry if he wound up paying for them, Jerry says, "It's being taken care of right now." We then see Kramer knocking at Todd's door, and then tossing Todd a large, heavy sock full of pennies.
- Jerry: Why don't you just have someone else get the calzones?
George: Because the next thing you know Steinbrenner will be having lunch with him. You know how these interoffice politics work.
Jerry: No, I've never had a job.
- Jerry: So what's Steinbrenner gonna do if he doesn't get his calzone?
George (panicked): What's he gonna do? That's exactly the point! Nobody knows what this guy is capable of! He fires people like it's a bodily function!
- George: Shouldn't you be at work by now?
Newman: Work? It's raining.
Newman: I called in sick. I don't work in the rain.
George: You don't work in the rain? You're a mailman! "Neither rain nor sleet nor..." It's the first one!
Newman: I was never that big on creeds.
- Jerry: I got some Cubans for George's wedding. They were more than I wanted to pay for but what the hell!
Kramer: Oh, yeah, baby. [puts cigar in mouth, then spits it out] What are these? “Producto de Peru”? If you think these are Cubans you have another thing coming.
Jerry: Peru!? I paid 300 bucks for these. I could have bought a house in Peru for 300 bucks!
- Elaine: What kind of a name is Todd Gack anyway?
Jerry: I think it's Dutch.
- Cop: I got you on the radar at 93 mph.
Jerry: Huh. You must have got me when I slowed down to take that curve, because for a while there, I was doing well over 100.
Notes About Nothing
- Danette Tays, who plays Jerry's girlfriend Nicki in this episode, appeared in a 1990s Rold Gold Pretzel commercial with Jason Alexander.
- Montreal is referenced in this episode, making it the only Canadian city ever mentioned in the history of the show.
- The USPS Creed actually starts "Neither snow nor rain..." So rain is, in fact, second.
- George Steinbrenner mentions at a meeting that he was in the Army when, in fact, he served in the Air Force.
- The sock full of pennies would be revisited in Season Nine's “The Reverse Peephole”.
|Season Seven Episodes|
|The Engagement | The Postponement | The Maestro | The Wink | The Hot Tub | The Soup Nazi | The Secret Code | The Pool Guy | The Sponge | The Gum | The Rye | The Caddy | The Seven | The Cadillac, Part 1 | The Cadillac, Part 2 | The Shower Head | The Doll | The Friar's Club | The Wig Master | The Calzone | The Bottle Deposit | The Wait Out | The Invitations|