The Cigar Store Indian

“The Cigar Store Indian” is the tenth episode of the fifth season of Seinfeld. It was written by Max Pross & Tom Gammill; it was directed by Tom Cherones.

Plot[]

While Jerry helps George with a coffee table stain, Elaine must take the subway home; she takes Frank Costanza's TV Guide as reading material. George meets a woman at a furniture refinishing store and takes her to his parents' home, pretending that it is his. Jerry is interested in a Native American woman named Winona (Kimberly Norris-Guerrero), but she is offended when Jerry, unaware of her ethnicity, presents Elaine with a cigar store Indian as a peace offering. Jerry further offends her by using jokes about Native American stereotypes in a note and rocking it back and forth, mimicking Native American chant. Jerry tries to make amends with Winona by going out on a date with her where he also obtains her copy of the TV Guide with Al Roker on the cover to give to Frank.

Jerry offers to take her out for supper and she gives him a second chance, but she is offended by when Jerry asks a postal worker whether there are any Chinese restaurants nearby, as the postman turns out to be of Chinese descent and concludes that Jerry asked him the question because of his ethnicity rather than his profession. She becomes even more infuriated with Jerry after Kramer, in a taxi with the cigar store Indian, yells at Jerry and performs Native American war whoops. Elaine and Kramer are on the subway when Kramer stops to get a gyro, but his arm gets stuck in the door and a patron steals it. While on the subway, Elaine forgets the TV Guide and it is obtained by a creepy patron (Sam Lloyd) who cuts it up to make a flower bouquet for her. George, having had sex with his furniture store quarry, leaves a condom wrapper in his parents' bed; his parents discover not only the wrapper but also the absence of Frank's TV Guide (he is a collector) and punish him by grounding him.

Jerry tries again to make amends with Winona by going on another date, but avoids words like reservations and scalper. She asks for the TV Guide and they get into an argument after she accuses Jerry of trying to refer to her as an Indian giver. Elaine shows up at the Costanzas' house with Winona's copy of the TV Guide much to her surprise, she sees the creepy guy at the house (he obtained the Costanzas' address by reading the postal address). Elaine gives Frank the copy of the TV Guide, only to find the cover was ruined by the tzatziki sauce from the gyros she was eating which dripped onto it. When Frank yells at Elaine about taking the TV Guide, the creepy guy comes to her defense and inadvertently knocks the refinished coffee table over. While trying to sell the cigar store Indian to a dealer of another cigar shop, Kramer meets Mr. Lippman, who offers to buy the cigar store Indian for $500. Kramer helps Lippman carry the Indian to his office, where Kramer then pitches his idea for a coffee table book about coffee tables, much to Elaine's dismay. Estelle takes the coffee table to the same furniture store George took it into, where she runs into the same woman George had sex with and reveals the truth about George. Elaine and Jerry use the subway going to Queens to give Frank the same TV Guide (which they had to order). Jerry runs to get a gyro during a brief stop. He attempts to get back on the subway, but gets his arm stuck in the door and has his gyro taken by none other than Al Roker himself.

Notes About Nothing[]

Jerry struggled to find an alternate term for Indian giver, since he didn't use "de-gifter" until the season six episode "The Label Maker".

Quotes[]

Jerry: Excuse me, you must know where the Chinese restaurant is around here.
Postman: Why must I know, because I'm Chinese? You think I know where all the Chinese restaurants are? Oh, ask honorable Chinaman for location of restaurant.
Jerry: I asked because you're the mailman; you would know the neighborhood.
Postman: Hello American Joe, which way to hamburger, hotdog stand?

Frank: This stack should be bigger. Where's the TV Guide?
George: What TV Guide?
Frank: I'm missing TV Guide volume 41, number 31.

Winona: Ooh, I love that place, but it's usually so crowded, can we get a table?
Jerry: Oh, don't worry, I made reser...
Winona: You made what?
Jerry: I uh, I arranged for the appropriate accommodations. And then, Knick tickets! Floor seats!
Winona: How did you get these?
Jerry: Got them on the street from a sca....
Winona: From who?
Jerry: A, uh, one of those guys.
Winona: What guys?
Jerry: You know, the guys that, they sell the tickets to the sold out events.

Winona: Oh, by the way, that TV Guide I gave you, I need it back.
Jerry: Why?
Winona: Well, I'm doing a report on minorities in the media, and I wanted to use that interview with Al Roker.
Jerry: It's too late, I gave it to Elaine, she's already on her way to give it to George's father.
Winona: Jerry, I really need it back; it is mine.
Jerry: You can't give something then take it back; I mean what are you a...?
Winona: What?
Jerry: A person that...
Winona: A person that what?!
Jerry: A person that gives something and then they're dissatisfied and they wish they had-had never given it to the person they originally gave it to.
Winona: You mean like an Indian giver?!
Jerry: I'm sorry, I'm not familiar with that term.

Jerry: TV Guide is always thrown, never handed to another person. It's the world's most thrown reading material.

Season Five Episodes