The Contest

“The Contest” is the tenth episode of season four of Seinfeld, and the 50th episode overall. This episode first aired on November 18, 1992. It was written by Larry David and directed by Tom Cherones.

Plot[]

George meets the rest of the gang at Monk's and admits that his mother "caught him," (masturbating) resulting in her falling over in shock and being admitted to the hospital. The gang makes fun of George, and they decide to hold a contest to see who can go the longest without pleasuring themselves. The men bet $100, while Elaine, after agreeing to a demand from George over extra odds, puts up $150. George brings up how they'll all "monitor" the event and Jerry says they should all obey the honor system since they're all close friends.

The next day, Kramer notices from Jerry's apartment a woman across the street walking around her apartment completely naked. Kramer leaves the room, and, moments later, returns, slamming his $100 down on the counter, exclaiming that he is out of the contest. He warns Jerry that the nude woman is going to "get him next".

The rest of the gang struggles to stay in the contest. George visits his mother in the hospital, and watches in awe as a beautiful nurse gives an even more beautiful patient a sponge bath behind a curtain; he can only see their silhouettes while his mother complains about the situation George has put them in. Meanwhile, Jerry is still dating Marla, the virgin, and she is still unsure about sleeping with him. Elaine, in the meantime, encounters stud John F. Kennedy, Jr. at her fitness club, and the two end up sharing a taxi cab together. That night, George, Jerry, and Elaine are restless in their beds, while Kramer sleeps soundly.

The following day at the fitness club, the receptionist informs Elaine that John F. Kennedy, Jr. was interested in her, and that he'll stop by her building (actually Jerry's building, where she asked to be dropped off) the next night to take her out. George visits his mother in the hospital again, ignoring her pleas for food as he watches another sponge bath. Jerry fends off his urges by watching children's cartoons, and Kramer continues to watch the naked woman across the street. That night, George and Jerry continue to get no sleep, while Kramer and Elaine sleep soundly.

The next day Elaine comes to Jerry's apartment and solemnly pays her $150, having dropped out of the contest, admitting that it was fantasizing about "John-John" that made her give in. George quips that he thought Elaine would outlast everyone else and remarks to Jerry "And then there were two!".

That night, Jerry and Marla are making out and Marla tells him she's ready to have sex. Elated, Jerry tells her about the contest with his friends. This revelation disgusts Marla, and she storms out. Elaine, having waited for John outside Jerry's apartment, sees Marla and attempts to have a word with her but she just calls her and everyone else "Horrible" and storms off. Elaine comes upstairs, as she thinks Kennedy isn't showing up. When George arrives, he tells Elaine that he saw John downstairs, but he was talking to Marla, and was comforting her as she was crying, and the two ultimately left together.

With nothing else to lose, Jerry goes over to look at the naked woman across the street. The three are shocked to see Kramer over at the woman's apartment. That night, Jerry, George, and Elaine all sleepy soundly; Kramer is sound asleep with the naked woman, and Marla has slept with John F. Kennedy, Jr.

Quotes[]

Kramer expresses interest in getting in on the contest, to which Jerry replies, "You? You'll be out before we get the check!"

Kramer paying his $100: "I'm out!"

Elaine ashamedly pays up, drawing a comment from George: "I figured you'd cruise 'til Spring!"

Notes About Nothing[]

The word "masturbation" is never used in this episode, despite being the subject of the episode. Not actually using the word made this episode less controversial.
This episode was based on a real-life contest that Larry David had with his friends, a contest that Larry won.
This episode marks the first appearance of Estelle Harris as George's mother, Estelle Costanza.
It is implied that Kramer, Jerry, and Elaine all "lose" the contest at some point during the episode, making George the winner, but we do not actually see him acknowledging his victory or collecting the prize money.
George's victory is later confirmed in "The Puffy Shirt", although in "The Finale" five years later, George admits that he had cheated and that Jerry was the true master of his domain.
The Curb Your Enthusiasm episode "The Group" contains a callback to this episode; when Larry David's wife Cheryl asks him why he masturbated, he replies "Because it's there!", the exact same response George says he gave when his mother asked the same question.
George criticizes Jerry for only having instant coffee, asking "Why don't you get some real coffee?" In the earlier episode "The Library", Jerry was criticized by Joe Bookman for not having any coffee at all, asking "You don't have instant coffee? Who doesn't have instant coffee?"
There's a callback to the sponge bath later in season 4, in the episode The Outing where George again visits his mother in the hospital after she fell from being shocked reading about him in the paper. In silhouette behind the curtain a male nurse gives a male patient a sponge bath, using similar dialog.

Season Four Episodes