"The Maestro" is the 113th episode of Seinfeld and the third episode of Season Seven. It premiered on October 5, 1995. It was written by Larry David, and directed by Andy Ackerman.


In the previous episode, "The Postponement", Kramer burnt himself in a movie theater when he snuck in some coffee from across the street, which wasn't allowed. Now Kramer gets a fast-talking lawyer named Jackie Chiles who will help him sue the company of the coffee, Java World, and make him "a rich man". Meanwhile, George heads over to a men's clothing store owned by Susan's uncle, and feels bad for a security guard who stands all day. He walks over and offers him a chair, but the guard kicks him out. Elaine dates a maestro who works at a nearby orchestra. He loves classical music and knows everything about it: songs, composers, notes, you name it. The thing is that he likes to be called "Maestro" on a first-name basis. He gets mad at Elaine for a short time whenever she calls him his actual name, Bob (Cobb), instead of "Maestro". The Maestro tells Jerry there are no houses for rent in Tuscany, which sets Jerry off to prove him wrong. Kramer and Jackie head over to Java World's headquarters because Java World wants to settle out of court. The scene is set before their arrival with counsel suggesting a lifetime coffee and cash settlement. Kramer is so pleased with lifetime coffee he accepts the deal, cutting them off at "and" before they get a chance to finish offering money. Jackie feuds with him in the limo, saying, "Twenty years practicing law, I've never experienced anything like this." George comes back into the store, bringing in a chair for the security guard. The security guard actually likes it and thanks George. Kramer already has headed over to Java World, where he has drunk several coffees, making him super hyper. A robbery takes place in the men's store, but the security guard is asleep in the chair George gave him. Jerry meets with Poppie's cousin about rental homes in Tuscany, and finds himself accepting a house rental, Godfather style. "I'm not looking for a house to rent. I just want to know whether there are houses to rent." - Mafioso handing him the keys, "Yes, this one."

Notes About Nothing

  • The Jackie Chiles character makes his first appearance in this episode.
  • Jackie Chiles is based on an actual fast-talking lawyer just like him: Johnnie Cochran.
  • You have to look closely to see it, but when Kramer goes into Jerry's house, he uses a key and then opens the door. It is shown that his hands have healed.
  • The George storyline about giving the security guard a chair is based on the only sketch that Larry David wrote for SNL that ever made it on the air, back in 1984.
  • Phil Morris auditioned for the role of Jackie Chiles on August 26, 1995 at 11:30 AM.
    • Phil was originally supposed to appear in "The Non-Fat Yogurt" if Giuliani lost the election.
Season Seven Episodes
The Engagement | The Postponement | The Maestro | The Wink | The Hot Tub | The Soup Nazi | The Secret Code | The Pool Guy | The Sponge | The Gum | The Rye | The Caddy | The Seven | The Cadillac, Part 1 | The Cadillac, Part 2 | The Shower Head | The Doll | The Friar's Club | The Wig Master | The Calzone | The Bottle Deposit | The Wait Out | The Invitations