“The Marine Biologist” is the 14th episode of Season Five and the 78th overall. It originally aired February 10, 1994. It was directed by Tom Cherones and was written by Ron Hauge and Charlie Rubin.


While having a conversation with Elaine about his favorite yellow T-shirt, "Golden Boy" (which, due to its age, is "dying"), Jerry tells her the novel War and Peace was originally called War, What is it Good For? (a reference to Edwin Starr's hit song "War"). Kramer gives Elaine an electronic organizer. Also he has acquired a stash of 2,000 Titleist golf balls from a driving range and decides to practice his driving skills by hitting them into the ocean rather than a driving range. Jerry meets a female friend from college (Rosalind Allen), and claims that George is a marine biologist. George, who now is expecting a call from her, is upset because he prefers to lie about being an architect.

Elaine shares what Jerry told her with an eccentric Russian author, Yuri Testikov, who is being courted by Pendant Publishing, her company. Upon hearing Elaine's electronic organizer beep repeatedly, he angrily grabs it from her and tosses it out of the window of the limousine they were sharing.

Kramer returns home in humiliation, having missed every ball except one, and becomes obsessed with getting sand out of his clothing. At the beach, George keeps lying about his job when he is called upon to use his nonexistent marine biology skills to save a beached whale. Later, Jerry receives a phone call from a woman named Corinne (Carol Kane) who sees his phone number in the organizer after it hit her in the head while she was walking down the street. The two meet at Monk's Cafe and the woman won't return Elaine's organizer to Jerry until she is compensated for her hospital bill.

Elaine wants Testikov to pay for the woman's bills, so she and Jerry go to confront him in his hotel room. Elaine carries a tape recorder in her bag, Testikov hears a noise and thinks they are secretly recording him; he reacts by throwing the tape recorder out the window, hitting the very same woman in the head while she waits outside to return the electronic organizer. Meanwhile, while trying to get sand out of his shoe, Kramer accidentally drops it out of his apartment window, hitting Newman who happens to be walking beneath.

The episode ends with George's dramatic retelling of his struggle with the whale in coffee shop, ultimately revealing that the whale's blowhole had been lodged with Kramer's Titleist golf ball. Kramer responds meekly that it was a "hole in one." George also told his girlfriend about not really being a marine biologist, and was summarily dumped. Elaine then asks Jerry what happened to "Golden Boy"; he tells her it did in fact "die", but it's now been replaced by a new contender, "Baby Blue."


As George retells the story of saving the whale, he says, "The sea was angry that day, my friends.  Like an old man trying to send back soup at a deli."

Then in dramatic fashion, he pulls something from his pocket and reveals it to be a golf ball.  All attention turns to Kramer, who says (voice cracking), "What is that, a Titleist?" before calling the blunder "A hole in one"

Notes About Nothing

  • About thirteen minutes into the episode, when Elaine confronts Kramer about the electronic organizer, Kramer opens his door wide enough so that one can see inside his apartment, which most noticeably (in this scene) features a framed black-and-white photograph of Jerry Seinfeld on the wall, in a close-up sort of pose with his hand on forehead, looking somewhat exhausted, like most authorial back-flap photographs.
  • The production crew made a CGI Whale for the ending, but it was decided it would be funnier if it was told in a story by George.
Season Five Episodes
The Mango | The Puffy Shirt | The Glasses | The Sniffing Accountant | The Bris | The Lip Reader | The Non-Fat Yogurt | The Barber | The Masseuse | The Cigar Store Indian | The Conversion | The Stall | The Dinner Party | The Marine Biologist | The Pie | The Stand In | The Wife | The Raincoats, Part 1 | The Raincoats, Part 2 | The Fire | The Hamptons | The Opposite
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