The Non-Fat Yogurt

“The Non-Fat Yogurt” is the sixth episode of Season Five, and the 71st overall. It originally aired November 4, 1993. The episode was directed by Tom Cherones and Larry David. The episode is notable for the cameo at the end by the newly elected NYC mayor, Rudy Giuliani.

Plot[]

Jerry, Elaine, George, and Newman eat at a non-fat frozen yogurt shop in which Kramer has invested. The yogurt is delicious, and they indulge, as it is "non-fat." When Kramer notices that Jerry and Elaine have gained weight, they become suspicious of the yogurt's contents. Elaine sends the yogurt to a laboratory for testing.

Meanwhile, Jerry impulsively cusses within earshot of the shop owner's 10-year-old son, Matthew, who then starts to cuss frequently. Matthew's mother brings him by Jerry's apartment so that Jerry can explain to him that swearing is wrong. Matthew ruins a cassette tape of one of his stand-up routines, causing Jerry to curse again.

Elaine's new beau and George's nemesis, Lloyd Braun (Peter Keleghan), works as an aide to the mayor of New York City, David Dinkins, currently up for re-election against Rudy Giuliani. Elaine suggests that everyone in the city wear name tags, so that they can greet each other. Lloyd takes the idea to Dinkins, who adopts it in his campaign. The name tag proposition becomes a subject of public ridicule. Braun eventually breaks up with Elaine; she claims that it is the fault of her weight gain from eating the yogurt. Kramer, fearful of losing his investment, tries to sway a lab technician to falsify the analysis of the yogurt. In the process, they kiss passionately, and a sample of blood with high cholesterol falls into a test tube belonging to Rudy Giuliani. The lab results reveal that the yogurt does, indeed, contain fat.

Giuliani receives the results of a physical claiming that he has high cholesterol. Giuliani reveals that he, too, has eaten a great deal of frozen yogurt lately, and vows to eliminate false advertising in the city. The yogurt shop now serves real non-fat yogurt which is not as good, leaving Newman furious and blaming Jerry. The main characters watch Giuliani deliver his victory speech over Dinkins; the "name tag fiasco" cost him the election. Matthew then walks up to Jerry and chastises him: “Thanks for ruining my daddy’s business, you fat fuck.”

Notes about Nothing[]

Two versions of the episode were created to account for both possible outcomes of the New York mayoral election. In the Dinkins wins version, every mention of Giuliani was swapped for Dinkins, and vice versa (e.g. Lloyd Braun worked for Giuliani, and Dinkins's blood sample was tampered with), and Phil Morris appeared as a Dinkins advisor commenting on the yogurt scandal, instead of Giuliani's cameos. Giuliani was a fan of Seinfeld and immediately agreed to their request for him to make a cameo.
There was never a version of the episode in which the swears are not bleeped over. A claimed "uncensored version" which appears online is actually a fandub for which Jerry Seinfeld, Maryedith, and Matthew soundalikes voiced the presumed swear words over the bleeps.
On the DVD is an deleted scene with Lloyd Braun blasting Elaine for the name tag idea and busting George for faking his arm injury.

Quotes[]

Jerry: "What's the matter?"
Elaine: "Oh, I was having lunch and I bit down on the fork."
Jerry: "Boy, it's hard to believe with so much biting experience, a person could still make a mistake like that."

Jerry: "You can't take that chemist out."
Kramer: "Why not?"
Jerry: "Because she's like the jury! She's gotta be sequestered!"
Kramer: "I'm not taking her out just to influence the results."
Jerry: "Well, I think the whole thing stinks."
Elaine: "It smells. Smells bad. Smells really bad."

Jerry: "Well, so what are you going to do? Sit in the doctor's office, doing this? [jerks elbow] He's going to think you're a mental patient."
George: "I don't care. Look, Lloyd doesn't know what he's up against. [jerks elbow] This is nothing to me. My whole life is a lie."

Script[]

The script for The Non-Fat Yogurt can be found here.

Season Five Episodes